Something about us
by thundervolt
Summary: 28 days, 5 hours, 10 minutes, 25 seconds. That's how long we've been apart. That's how long I've been trying to move on and get back to my old life.


** Look i'm back! All i can say is university's been kicking my ass! So enjoy this oneshot. Again reviews are appreciated and if you guys have any prompt ideas feel free to send them my way!**

**The fic takes place after 5x20-21. A what if Callie had decided to break up with Arizona instead. I per usual i do not own anything!**

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**Something about us**

28 days, 5 hours, 10 minutes, 25 seconds. That's how long we've been apart. That's how long I've been trying to move on and get back to my old life. She had been given an ultimatum, she had a choice to make and at the end it wasn't me. But deep down, I know I cannot blame her for that decision. Callie has always been close to her family, they've always been important to her so how could I have asked her to make that sacrifice for me. How could I go on in this relationship knowing that on some level I was the reason she was estranged with her family? So when she came to me, with that sad look on her face I just knew that we were over even before she said anything. I always thought that Callie being a "new born" or her going back to men would've been the cause for the end of us. But breaking up over her family acceptance of her never even crossed my mind. Frankly because her history with Erica, I thought they already knew. I kept telling her that I understood and that it was okay and she kept repeating that it wasn't. But what else was I supposed to do? So we parted somewhat amicably, at least that's what I keep telling myself, because it's better to have her as a friend than not all, right?

I tried to fulfill my duty as the supportive and ever present friend but pretending to be fine and that friendship is enough is simply killing me. I've mastered the art of evading Callie whenever we were in the same place. It was getting harder and harder since I had an inkling that she was catching up on what I was doing. I guess she was no longer buying the high pitched greetings and over exaggerated smile on my face every time we saw each other. But I'd be lying if I said that I didn't see her mask slip off, especially whenever she thought I wasn't looking. She had that look of longing on her face and I try to ignore the pain and the want I see in her eyes knowing that there's absolutely nothing I can do about them. I wish there's something I could've said or done that would've avoided all of this. I tell myself "see that's what you get for falling for a new born" because it's easier than dealing with these feelings of emptiness and despair. Because I cannot believe how attached I've gotten to her in so little time and I have to admit that I could have seen myself even falling for her. But now I've got to remember that it is all in the past.

As I try to concentrate on the chart in front of me, I can't help but feel like someone is watching me. I do not need to turn around to know that is her. I feel her presence in every particle of my being. From my toes to the back of my neck to every single strand of hair that's all over my body. I can feel her. I fight myself, order myself to not turn around, to not search for her because I know that no matter how great and fulfilling it will be, I will also pay a great price for it. Every advances I have made since the breakup, small as they may be, will be lost and I will have to go back right to the beginning. As hard as I've tried, the need to look for her becomes too great for me to resist so I do the only thing that is left to do, I turn. Every time we have played this little game she almost always glanced away. Callie never really sustained my gaze and if she did it never lasted for long before she looked away.

But this time she didn't run, she didn't give in. So we are both standing there, starring at each other and refusing to give up. The longer we stand there, the more difficult it becomes to accept this break up especially with the way she is looking at me. Without even a second thought, I drop the pen and start walking towards her. I grab Callie's arm and drag her in the nearest on-call room, push her inside and close the door behind me. I lean on the door and take her in. She is simply beautiful, there are no other words to describe her. Even with all the pain and sadness roaming in her eyes, Callie is still the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen.

« You've got to stop it. » I say to her after a while.

« And what is that? » She asks me as if she doesn't know.

« You know what, Callie. » I reply to her, starting to feel frustrated. I push myself off the door, walk slowly to her but stopping just a few feet in front of her. « You know what I'm talking about. You have to stop looking at me like that, it's not fair. »

« What if I can't? What then? » Callie says while advancing leisurely closer to me.

« Callie... » I warn.

« No! What if I can't? Because I know…I know I should but I just can't" She calmly says whilst putting her hand on my cheek. Despite knowing better, I rest my head in her hand and close my eyes. I put my hand around her wrist determine to pull her hand away from my face. But when I open my eyes she still staring at me, still looking at me like I am everything. So I just can't help myself. Instead of pushing her away, I pull her closer and grab the lapel of her lab coat. My head is screaming for me to stop, in fact, it begs me to but I do not listen. Our lips finally meet. All that comes to my mind is how much I've missed this, missed her. It feels so good to have her running her hands in my hair, pulling me closer. Callie backs us until my back hits the door. I know where this is going and I know that no matter how great it feels or how much we've needed this it won't better the situation we find ourselves in. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it will make things way more difficult than they ever were. As our kiss progress and gets more passionate, I try to muster all the courage I know I'll need to push her away. As I hear Callie moan, I feel myself falter and almost pull her closer. But I realize that if I let things escalate and sleep with her it will actually make matters worse. I slow down the kiss while sliding my hands from her neck to her shoulders and reluctantly push on them. Callie looks at me with confusion written all over her beautiful features. I force my eyes to reach hers and whilst I'm searching for the right words to say.

« We can't do this Callie. This is not healthy, this is not helping. » I finally tell her. I can see that she's about to deny it but at the last second her face drops as reality dawns on her.

"I know" She sighs softly. « It's just… I just… »

« I know. I know, me too! » I look at her one last time as I put a hand on her cheek. I push away from the door and reach for the doorknob. Just before I open the door I say over my shoulder "Just so you know, I wish it would've turned out differently for us." Then I slip out the room before she can say anything and change my mind. And now I'm back to square one.

Day 1, 1 minute, 47 seconds.


End file.
